What You Will Learn in This Post

• Why doula recovery after birth is not optional self-care but essential to your longevity in this work
• The 3-3-3 Doula Reset Routine (Body, Brain, Boundaries) that experienced doulas use
• Practical tips for managing sleep when you get home at odd hours
• How to process a birth mentally so your brain can actually rest
• What to do differently after emotionally difficult births
• Why backup doula relationships matter for sustainable doula recovery after birth

I once did 10 births in 12 days.

It was early March, and I had late February babies, March babies, a few April babies who decided to come early, and one very early May baby who apparently could not wait. My husband would meet me at the door with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Somewhere, he has a photo of me asleep with that sandwich still half in my mouth because I was so exhausted I fell asleep eating it.

That season taught me something important about doula recovery after birth: what you do in the first hours after getting home determines whether you can show up fully for the next one. And in this work, there is always a next one.

I asked my group recently what their go-to recovery routine looks like after a birth. The responses ranged from Korean spas and magnesium baths to protein smoothies and simply turning the phone on Do Not Disturb. One doula orders hot soup through Uber on her way home so it is waiting when she walks in the door. Another has a heated bed ready for a long nap. Someone sits in the shower because standing feels like too much after a 20-hour birth.

I sit in the shower too. I have for years. When my husband first saw me sitting on the floor of the shower, he thought I had fallen and panicked. So he bought me a shower stool. Now, when I come home at 5 a.m. after being awake for a day and a half, I walk into the bathroom and find the stool already placed in the shower waiting for me. It usually lives in the closet, but he moves it when he knows I am coming home.

That is what sustainable doula work looks like. Not muscling through. Not pretending you are fine. It looks like shower stools and spouses who get it and routines that protect your body, brain, and boundaries so you can keep doing this work you love. (For more on finding that balance, read Work Life Balance for On-Call Doulas.)

With my experience, I have developed what I call the 3-3-3 Doula Reset Routine. It is not self-care. Self-care sounds optional. Doula recovery after birth is not optional. This is how you stay in this profession longer than five years.

The 3-3-3 Doula Reset Routine

The three categories are Body, Brain, and Boundaries. Each one matters for your doula recovery after birth, and skipping any of them catches up with you eventually.

Body

Transition out of birth mode physically. My routine starts in the car. I keep a plastic bin in my trunk specifically for my birth shoes. Hospital floors have seen things. Amniotic fluid, blood, you name it. If my kids have borrowed the car and removed my bin (it happens), then the shoes come off outside the door to my home.

I walk straight to the laundry room, strip off my clothes, and put them directly in the wash. I have a clean robe hanging and ready. Then I get in the shower. Sometimes I stand. Often I sit on my stool. The shower is a transition. It is how I physically leave the birth behind and come back to my own life.

Eat and hydrate. After a birth, I am usually ravenous and very thirsty. Cold water first. Then food. For me, it is often an egg and cheese sandwich. Sometimes my husband makes me scrambled eggs while I shower. In winter, I love a hot chocolate from a drive-through on my way home. I get a kids size at warm temperature with no whipped cream so I can still sleep afterward. Some doulas grab fast food. Others crave soup. One doula in my group swears by her nonfat yogurt with oatmeal and blueberries. Whatever works for you is the right answer.

Make a smart sleep decision. This is the part of doula recovery after birth that most newer doulas get wrong. If you get home at 4 p.m. and go straight to bed, you will sleep all night and then wake up at 2 a.m. with a completely wrecked schedule. You have not reset your sleep. You have just shifted it.

Here is what I do instead: If I get home at a reasonable time (before 2 p.m. for me, and it is personal) and I have been up for a very long stretch, I will nap for two to three hours and then get up. The goal is to make it to an early bedtime, like 7 or 8 p.m., so I can sleep through and wake up on a normal schedule. If it is already evening when I get home, I push through to bedtime. If it is the middle of the night, I sleep.

The key is thinking about tomorrow, not just the next few hours. You need to be functional for your family, your other clients, and potentially your next birth. And speaking of that next birth: you could get called again. This is why we do not delay doula recovery after birth. It is not about being kind to yourself someday. It is about being ready now.

Brain

Do a brain dump. One of the best things I have learned to do is dictate notes to my phone on the drive home. Everything is fresh. I talk through what happened, what I noticed, what I want to remember. I also let myself say the things I was thinking and feeling, even the emotional responses I would not share with anyone else. It is a brain dump. It gets everything out of my head and somewhere I can deal with it later.

I use the notes app on my phone. Nothing fancy. I clean up the notes later, but in the moment, I just talk. Do not make this more complicated than it needs to be. The goal is to empty your brain, not create a perfect record.

Help your brain quiet down. Many doulas describe the wired-but-tired feeling after a birth. Your body is exhausted, but your brain will not stop replaying the labor, the pushing, the moment the baby came out. This is where binaural beats or pink noise can help. I use them when my mind is racing and I need to sleep. They work better than scrolling, which brings me to the next point.

Put the phone down. Stop doom scrolling. This is advice I give to every doula I train, and I follow it myself. When you pick up your phone, say out loud why you are picking it up. Send a text. Check my calendar. I read about a study that found this simple practice cuts phone usage significantly because it makes you aware of the mindless reaching. After a birth, your brain needs rest, not more stimulation. Save the social media for later.

Debrief when needed. Sometimes you need to talk through a birth with another person. This might be your spouse, another doula, or a therapist. The key is confidentiality. You can process your experience without sharing identifying details about your client. My voice notes serve as a kind of debrief for me. I say what I was thinking, what was hard, what went well. Getting it out of my head helps my brain settle.

Boundaries

Protect your slow day. The day after a birth should be low-key. Minimal commitments. No big obligations. This is not always possible, especially if you have kids or other work, but as much as you can, protect that recovery time. You have just poured everything into another family’s birth. Your tank is empty. (If setting boundaries with family feels hard, I wrote about that in How to Set Boundaries as a Doula When Family Does Not Understand Your On-Call Life.)

Know when to call your backup. If you are impaired from exhaustion, send your backup doula. Even if it is just for a few hours while you sleep and eat something hot. Then you can jump in and relieve them. This is why backup relationships matter for doula recovery after birth. You cannot muscle through indefinitely. I have tried. The sandwich-in-my-mouth photo is proof of where that leads. (If you do not have a backup yet, start with Do You Really Need a Backup Doula? and then read Talk with Your Clients About Your Backup Doula.)

Use Do Not Disturb. If you are off call, put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Give yourself permission to actually rest without checking for messages every few minutes. You will be back on soon enough.

Doula Recovery After Difficult Births

The routine I have described works well for most births. But some births are hard. The outcome was not what anyone hoped for. The labor was traumatic. You are carrying something heavier than usual.

In those cases, the immediate doula recovery after birth stays the same: body care, brain dump, boundaries. But in the days that follow, you may need more. A longer debrief with another doula who understands. A session with a therapist. More time before taking another client.

This work asks a lot of us emotionally. Pretending otherwise does not make it easier. It just delays the processing until it shows up somewhere else, often as burnout or resentment or the decision to leave doula work altogether. (For more on this topic, read Why Doulas Are Burned Out (and How AI Can Actually Help).)

Why Doula Recovery After Birth Matters

I have been doing this work for 30 years. I have trained over 10,00 doulas. The ones who last are not the ones who push through everything. They are the ones who take their doula recovery after birth seriously.

When doulas think they can muscle through, they end up wearing out their brains, bodies, and souls. That makes the work harder, not easier. Nurturing yourself is not a luxury. It is what allows you to keep showing up for the families who need you.

So build your routine. Figure out what your version of the shower stool is. Find the foods that restore you, the practices that quiet your brain, the boundaries that protect your energy. Make doula recovery after birth a non-negotiable part of your practice, not something you will get around to someday.

Because there is always another birth coming. And when it does, you want to be ready.

What is your post-birth recovery routine? I would love to hear what works for you.

Related Posts

• Work Life Balance for On-Call Doulas
• How to Set Boundaries as a Doula When Family Does Not Understand Your On-Call Life
• Do You Really Need a Backup Doula?
• Talk with Your Clients About Your Backup Doula
• Why Doulas Are Burned Out (and How AI Can Actually Help)