In this post:
- Why high confidence doesn’t always lead to action
- The common ways new doulas delay without realizing it
- What you’re really afraid of (it’s probably not what you think)
- What your first client actually needs from you
- Three things to do this week to move forward
Before every doula training I teach, I ask students to rate their confidence on a scale of 1 to 10. How ready do they feel to begin supporting families through birth?
Most say 8. Many say 9 or 10.
Then I watch what happens after the training ends.
The same people who rated themselves highly confident are still, months later, waiting to take their first client. Their websites sit in draft mode. They haven’t told anyone they’re a doula. They’re looking for more births to shadow, more trainings to complete, more preparation before they feel “ready.”
After 30 years of training doulas, I’ve seen this pattern hundreds of times. And I want to name it, because pretending it’s not happening keeps good doulas stuck.
High Confidence Doesn’t Mean You’ll Take Action
When you rate yourself 8 out of 10 on confidence, you’re telling me something true. You believe in your ability to support someone through birth. You know you have gifts for this work. You’ve probably already been the calm presence at a friend’s labor or the person your sister called when contractions started.
That belief is real. I’m not questioning it.
But here’s what I’ve noticed: confidence about who you could be and willingness to put yourself out there right now are two different things. The first feels good. The second feels terrifying.
You can believe you’d make a wonderful doula and still find yourself frozen when it comes to actually telling people you’re available for hire.
The Ways New Doulas Delay (Without Realizing It)
I’ve heard every version of this. Maybe you recognize yourself:
“I want to shadow a few more births first.” Shadowing can be valuable, but it can also become a way to stay in observer mode indefinitely. You learn to be a doula by being a doula, not by watching other people do it. If you’ve already completed your training, you have what you need to attend your first birth.
“My website isn’t ready yet.” Your first clients won’t find you through a perfect website. They’ll find you because you told someone you’re a doula and that person knew someone who was pregnant. I’ve watched new doulas spend months tweaking fonts and photos while their neighbors hire someone else.
“I’m going to take one more training first.” More knowledge is great. I love learning too. But knowledge without practice stays theoretical. The doula with three certifications and zero births isn’t more prepared than the doula with one training and three births under her belt.
“I’m waiting for the right first client to find me.” The right first client is the one who hires you. You don’t need a perfect match. You need a family who wants support and a doula willing to show up.
“I’ll start marketing after the holidays.” There’s always a reason to wait. After the holidays becomes after the kids go back to school becomes after summer becomes after the holidays again. I’ve watched doulas delay for years this way.
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong. But I want you to see what’s happening so you can make a different choice.
What You’re Really Afraid Of
Here’s what I’ve learned from thousands of conversations with new doulas: the stated fears and the real fears are usually different.
You might say you’re worried about a medical emergency at a birth, or freezing and not knowing what to do, or a provider who doesn’t want you there. Those are legitimate concerns, and I address them in my trainings.
But underneath those fears, the ones that keep you from even starting, are usually quieter:
What if I put myself out there and nobody hires me?
What if I’m not actually as good at this as I think I am?
What if my family was right that this won’t work?
What if I fail publicly at something I care deeply about?
These fears make sense. Birth work is personal. It’s not like starting a business selling widgets. When you become a doula, you’re putting your heart and your identity on the line. No wonder you want to feel perfectly prepared first.
The problem is that perfect preparation doesn’t exist. And waiting for it keeps you from the only thing that will actually build your confidence: doing the work.
What Your First Client Actually Needs
When someone hires you for their birth, they’re not expecting you to have all the answers. They’re not comparing you to doulas with decades of experience. Most of them have never hired a doula before and have no idea what to expect.
What they want is someone who will show up, pay attention, stay calm, and care about their experience. They want to feel less alone during one of the most intense experiences of their lives.
You already know how to do that. You’ve been doing it for friends and family. You did it before you had any training at all.
The certification gives you a framework and credibility. But your ability to be present with someone? That’s been there all along.
What Actually Predicts Success as a Doula
I’ve trained over 10,000 doulas. I’ve watched some of them build thriving practices and others quietly disappear. The ones who make it aren’t always the most skilled or the most confident.
They’re the ones who started before they felt ready.
They told people they were doulas even when it felt awkward. They reached out to potential clients even when rejection felt possible. They showed up to their first birth nervous and did it anyway.
Each birth taught them something no training could. And with each one, the gap between their stated confidence and their willingness to act got smaller.
Three Things to Do This Week
If you recognize yourself in this post, here’s what I want you to do:
1. Tell five people you’re a doula.
Not on social media. In actual conversations. Your neighbor, your coworker, the person at the gym, someone at your place of worship.
Say: “I finished my doula training and I’m taking clients.”
That’s it. You don’t need a pitch. You don’t need business cards. You need to say the words out loud to real people who might know someone pregnant.
2. Set a deadline for your first client.
Not “when I feel ready” but an actual date. “I will have my first paying client by [date three months from now].” Write it down. Tell someone who will ask you about it.
3. Stop adding to your preparation list.
No more trainings, no more shadowing, no more website tweaks until you’ve attended at least one birth as the doula. Everything else is procrastination dressed up as professionalism.
The Confidence You’re Looking For Comes After You Start
Here’s the part nobody tells you: the confidence you’re waiting for comes after you start, not before.
You can’t think your way into feeling ready. You can only act your way there.
Your first birth will be imperfect. You’ll probably forget something you meant to say or do. You might feel like you didn’t do enough. And then your client will tell you how grateful they were that you were there, and you’ll realize that showing up was the whole point.
You said you were ready. I believe you.
Now it’s time to prove it to yourself.
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