As a doula, it can feel nearly impossible to set and maintain boundaries. You want to be available for your clients, but at the same time, you know that running yourself ragged isn’t sustainable. One of the most common struggles I hear from doulas—whether they’re just starting out or well into their careers—is finding that balance between being supportive and protecting your own well-being.
Why Boundaries Matter
I remember one particular situation where I took on a client during my planned off-call month. I knew that time was supposed to be for rest and recharge, but I convinced myself that I could make it work. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. There was a reason I had set that boundary in the first place, and the stress it caused was overwhelming. Being on call that month made life harder than it needed to be, and I learned firsthand that protecting my downtime is essential to being able to serve my clients well.
Setting boundaries is not about being rigid or unkind—it’s about being clear, consistent, and respectful of your own needs. When clients understand your limits upfront, they’re more likely to respect them. Plus, you’re modeling healthy self-care, which is essential for longevity in this work. Just like their OB or midwife has boundaries, you should too. It’s a good thing, and it doesn’t make you a bad doula—it makes you a sane one who has the capacity to work with clients without burning out.
Common Pitfalls When Setting Boundaries
It’s easy to stumble when it comes to boundaries, especially when you’re eager to support your clients. Here are a few common mistakes I see doulas make:
- Not having clear boundaries in place from the start.
- Failing to communicate boundaries openly and confidently.
- Bending boundaries “just this once” to avoid disappointing a client.
- Taking on roles that aren’t part of your service, like babysitting siblings during appointments.
Remember, doulas who establish boundaries right from the beginning tend to feel more confident and are less likely to burn out. Even doulas who add boundaries later find it feels like a weight lifted from their shoulders. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your passion and energy for this work.
Practical Scripts for Common Boundary Challenges
Here are a few scripts you can use when faced with tricky boundary situations:
When Someone Asks You to Take Them On During Your Planned Time Off
“Thank you so much for considering me as your doula! I’m currently unavailable during that time, but I’d be happy to recommend some wonderful colleagues who may be available.”
When Your Client Load is Full, but Someone is Desperate to Book You
“I really appreciate your interest in working with me! My calendar is fully booked for that time, but I’d love to connect you with other experienced doulas in the area.”
When Clients Contact You at All Hours for Non-Urgent Matters
“I’m here to support you every step of the way! To make sure I’m well-rested and ready when you need me most, I check and respond to non-urgent messages between [insert time range]. If you’re experiencing an emergency, please don’t hesitate to reach out right away.”
When Clients Ask You to Provide Services You Don’t Offer (Like Babysitting)
“I really want to support you in the ways we discussed. Unfortunately, I’m not able to provide babysitting services, but I’d be happy to share some resources for childcare options.”
What to Do When a Boundary Is Crossed
It’s inevitable—boundaries will sometimes get crossed. The key is to address it promptly and without guilt. Here’s a simple way to reset expectations:
“Hey [Client’s Name], I wanted to revisit our communication plan to make sure I’m providing you with the best support possible while also taking care of my own well-being. Going forward, I’ll be responding to non-urgent messages during [insert time range]. I really appreciate your understanding!”
Making Boundary-Setting Feel Natural and Confident
If you’re worried about coming off as too strict or impersonal, remember that boundaries actually build trust. When clients know what to expect, it reduces anxiety and sets a professional tone from the start. Practice saying your boundary-setting scripts out loud or write them down where you can easily refer to them. Confidence comes with consistency!
Share Your Experience
What boundaries have you struggled to maintain as a doula? How have you navigated challenging situations? Share your insights in the comments or connect with me through Doula Office Hours to discuss it further. Let’s support each other in building sustainable, balanced practices!
