What You’ll Learn

• • How to talk with family members who don’t fully understand your doula schedule

• • Why saying “I’ll be there unless I’m at a birth” can cause more confusion than clarity

• • How to talk to kids about your on-call life in a positive way

• • Simple ways to protect your peace and relationships during busy seasons

When Family Doesn’t Get It

You love what you do. The on-call life, the unpredictability, the thrill of supporting someone in labor—it’s all part of the work you signed up for.

But that same unpredictability can confuse or even frustrate family and friends who don’t live it with you. You might notice them stop inviting you to things, or hear the quiet sigh when you say, “Sure, I’ll come… if I’m not at a birth.”

That phrase feels harmless, but it can actually create tension. It makes your attendance uncertain from the start and leaves loved ones waiting to see if you’ll cancel. Over time, that uncertainty can feel disappointing, and eventually, some people just stop asking.

Here’s the truth: it’s not that they don’t care about your work, it’s that they don’t understand it.

Set Clear Expectations Without Overexplaining

Instead of “I’ll come unless I’m at a birth,” try being clear from the start:

“I’d love to be there, but I’m on call that weekend. If I’m free, I’ll absolutely come.”

It’s a small shift, but it puts the focus on your intentions rather than your exceptions. It also gives family members a clear answer without feeling like they’re always waiting to see what happens.

You can still show excitement about being included while also setting a professional boundary that protects your relationships and your peace.

If you want to keep friends and family from feeling left out, try offering alternatives:

 

• • “I can’t make it to dinner on Saturday, but I’m free next Tuesday if that works.”

• • “I’m on call that weekend, but I’d love to FaceTime and catch up.”

When you’re proactive about offering options, people feel valued and included, even when you can’t physically be there.

When It Comes to Kids, Frame It as a Positive

The way you talk about your work with your kids matters more than the number of events you miss.
If they hear you constantly say, “I’m so sorry I can’t be there,” it can start to sound like your work is something sad or disruptive.

Instead, show them that being a doula is something special.

“I get to do this amazing job where I help families welcome new babies. And when I’m gone, we’ll have our own special time later.”

In my house, when I was away at a birth, it was pizza night. My kids loved it. They knew that if I was at a birth, they’d get pizza and a movie. It turned what could’ve been disappointment into a tradition.

One year, I even missed one of my child’s birthday parties. To be honest, they didn’t mind at all, as long as the party went smoothly, the cake showed up, and the presents were wrapped. When I came home, we shared a cupcake, and I told them, “You have a birthday buddy now! The baby I helped welcome today was born on your birthday.”

It turned into something they thought was really cool instead of something to resent.

Avoid Putting the Burden on Them

 

Your loved ones shouldn’t feel like they’re also “on call.”
When you communicate about your schedule, do it with clarity and calm. Avoid phrases that make your stress theirs, like “I hope no one goes into labor that day” or “I might have to run out at any moment.”

They don’t need the mental load of your uncertainty. They just need to know what to expect.

• Tell them your on-call dates clearly.

• Let them know when you’re off and available.

• And thank them for being flexible.

Protect Your Peace (and Your Relationships)

 

The goal isn’t perfection, it’s balance.

You can care deeply about your clients and your family without burning out or feeling pulled apart.

A few reminders:

• Build in recovery time after births before saying yes to new commitments.

• Be honest about what you realistically have energy for.

• Communicate with appreciation, not apology.

When you model balance and self-awareness, your family learns to respect your boundaries and your passion for this work.

Want to keep this conversation going?
Join the discussion inside the Doula Business Community.
You’ll find other doulas who’ve had the same tough talks, shared what worked for them, and created systems that keep family relationships strong, even when birth calls at unexpected times.